Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
