this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
