Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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