every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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