How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Couch. On fire.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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