just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
