that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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