People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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