Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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