maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
