You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
You took a bar mat shot.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
