My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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