i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
