I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
