Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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