Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
