There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
