dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
