i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
