I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
love makes seman taste better
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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