I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
