we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
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Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
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Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize