the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
