Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
