I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
the day after is always just damage control
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
