i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
