I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
im holly from the hills drunk
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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