We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
