it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
