I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
