Have you finally orgasmed yet?
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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