new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I am spending my child support on dildos
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
