According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
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