Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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