in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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