Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
