____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
