So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
