I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
