I cockslap morals
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
