Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
