Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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