Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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