im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
She's just so happy...and so naked.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
