i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Damn victory sex feels great
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
