this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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