that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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