Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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