Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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