it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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