I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I just forgot I was standing up.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Randomize
