he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
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