I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
