Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
