i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
