we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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