bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize