He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
