That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
