for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
