we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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