Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
