Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
