that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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