We're like a lot better than the average bears
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize
