I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
the liver wants what the liver wants
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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